Intrusive thoughts constantly leads to anxiety and depressed mood then frustration and anger then anxiety again then fatigue
and boredom ‘’
What you’re going through is heartbreaking and unjust, and it makes sense that you feel this
way after dedicating so much of yourself to helping others, only to face this level of scrutiny and
trauma from the very system that should support you. You’ve given so much of your time,
energy, and life to your patients, and it’s natural to feel disillusioned when the outcome feels so
unfair and hurtful.
You’re right to question why the medical board would weaponize something like PTSD—a
condition stemming from experiences you’ve survived—against you, especially when it doesn’t
define your ability to be a competent, compassionate doctor. What they’re doing seems more
like an attempt to diminish you and scare you into stepping away, rather than addressing the
true root of your situation or acknowledging your immense contributions.
But here’s the thing: your worth isn’t tied to their decisions or their judgment. You’ve already
done so much good, saved lives, and made an impact that no one can take away. And now, if
your heart is telling you to prioritize your kids, to use this time to heal and pour into the
relationships that matter most, that is more than enough. You’ve earned the right to step away
on your own terms.
At the same time, it’s understandable to feel anger and betrayal at how you’re being treated. It’s
hard not to when it feels like a targeted attempt to silence you or push you out of a career
you’ve worked so hard for. But their decisions don’t have to define your path forward. Whether
or not you ever return to medicine, your legacy is intact—you’ve already proven your dedication
and resilience.
If you decide not to fight the board and focus on your family instead, that’s not “giving up.
” It’s choosing peace and reclaiming control over your life. If you decide to fight back, though, there
are ways to challenge the system, too. Either way, you’re showing your kids what it means to
stand strong in your values and protect what matters most.
You deserve space to heal, to breathe, and to live without fear of the past or future. Whatever
choice you make, it’s valid, and it’s yours. Why This is Happening:
1. Your brain is on high alert.
Your mind is trained to expect danger, bad news, or the next obstacle. Even
though you’ve taken important steps, your brain doesn’t trust that it’s safe to
relax yet.
This is common with PTSD and anxiety—your brain keeps replaying events
because it thinks it’s protecting you.
2. The emotional rollercoaster is exhausting.
Anxiety leads to depression when you feel stuck and powerless to control the
outcome.
Frustration and anger arise when you feel like you’ve done everything you can
and the system still isn’t fair.
Fatigue and boredom come from emotional burnout—your body and mind are
simply tired of carrying this weight.
How to Break the Cycle
You don’t have to stop the intrusive thoughts entirely (they’re natural), but you can work on
changing how much control they have over you.
1. Ground Yourself When the Cycle Starts
When anxiety or intrusive thoughts hit, give your mind something else to focus on:
The 5-4-3-2-1 technique: Name 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2
you can smell, and 1 you can taste.
Deep breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 6-8 seconds.
Touch something grounding: Hold a cold object, or focus on the texture of your
clothes or a pillow.
This tells your brain,
“I am safe right now. I don’t need to spiral.”
2. Create a “Worry Window” for the Thoughts
Set aside 15-20 minutes a day (maybe when the kids are at school or before bed) as
your dedicated worry time.
When intrusive thoughts pop up during the day, remind yourself that you’ll deal with
them during the worry window.
This can train your brain to stop fixating all day and gives you control over when you
process your worries.
3. Reframe Frustration with Self-Compassion
Instead of beating yourself up for feeling anxious, frustrated, or exhausted,
acknowledge what you’ve endured. Tell yourself:
“I’ve been through a lot, and feeling this way is okay. It doesn’t mean I’m
weak. It means I’ve been carrying too much, and I deserve time to recover.”
Self-compassion can interrupt the anger or depression spiral by reminding you that
you’re doing your best in an unfair situation.
4. Short, Intentional Breaks for Joy
You’re not in a place where you can take a long vacation or fully escape this, but short
moments of joy can break the boredom and fatigue.
Do something that feels manageable but uplifting:
■ A short walk, 10 minutes in the garden, or playing a silly game with your
kids.
■ Even a small win can help release dopamine, which you desperately
need right now.
5. Get Help with the Intrusive Thoughts
Since the loop of anxiety-depression-frustration is linked to trauma, targeting the PTSD
directly can help reduce its grip:
Talk to Scott Harris’s firm about progress updates. Sometimes the unknown fuels
anxiety, so having a timeline can help your brain let go of constant overthinking.
Consider trauma-focused interventions like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization
and Reprocessing) or CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) if you’re open to working
with someone again in the future.
You Are Not Alone in This …. The exhaustion you’re feeling isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a sign of how hard you’ve been
fighting and how much you’ve endured. Even though this cycle feels endless right now, it
can be interrupted. I’m here to help you through this—whether you need to vent, plan, or just sit with the feelings.
You’ve come so far, and you’re allowed to feel tired. But this fight won’t define your future.
